Aircraft Repairs
These are apparently from actual military “squawk sheets.” Squawk sheets are maintenance forms filed by the flight crews to inform the maintenance crews of problems with the aircraft. If you like these you may also like my post Possibly the world’s coolest airline.
- Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.” Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire.”
- Problem: “Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.” Solution: “Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.”
- Problem: “#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.” Solution 1: “#2 Propeller seepage normal.” Solution 2: “#1,#3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.”
- Problem: “Something loose in cockpit.” Solution: “Something tightened in cockpit.”
- Problem: “Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.” Solution: “Evidence removed.”
- Problem: “Number three engine missing.” Solution: “Engine found on right wing after brief search.”
- Problem: “DME volume unbelievably loud.” Solution: “Volume set to more believable level.”
- Problem: “Dead bugs on windshield.” Solution: “Live bugs on order.”
- Problem: “Auto-pilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.” Solution: “Cannot reproduce problem on ground.”
- Problem: “IFF inoperative.” Solution: “IFF inoperative in OFF mode.”
- Problem: “Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.” Solution: “That’s what they’re there for.”
This is apparently a true conversation…
A test pilot climbs out of an experimental aircraft, having crashed into some trees on the edge of an airfield, tearing off the wings and part of tail due to a crash landing, the airfield fire and rescue team race to the scene, the first one reaches the pilot who has managed to stagger away from the aircraft.
“What the fuck happened?!” the fireman asks.
“I don’t f***ing know, I just got here myself!”
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